Author Archive

Just One of the Several Million Pounds I’ve Won This Week

The “British Office” (just one apparently, which should relieve downtown congestion…) has some important news involving lots and lots of pounds (like The View)…

Your email address has won,£1,000,000Pounds,in the on going UK promo.send your details:

Names…….
Tele…….
Age…….
Address…….
occupation…….
country…….

send to our agent
Mr. Mark Foster
Tel:+44 704-571-0545
email:redeem_prize1122@live.co.uk

 

Mr. Mark Foster-

Right-o! This is fantastic news! I’ve been a under a lot of bills lately so this one million will come in handy and should chip it down to a manageable 200,000 or so.

As luck would have it, I am in the UK right now, touring abandoned castles with select members of Improv Now! Where can I pick this up?

Details
Names: Currently using only one and it’s at the bottom of this page.
Teles: 222+441+019221+EEE
Age: Mid-30’s but I’d rather like to think I’m “timeless” if not “ageless.”
Address: Nothing permanent as I am visiting, but check at the South London Hostel Association. I’m listed under “Arrogant Spectator #4.”
Occupation: Artist, first and foremost, but more realistically, a barrista.
Country: Again, nothing permanent. A series of awkward situations back home has made it essential that I travel constantly. If pressed, I would cite “Monrovia” but I have nothing to back that up.

Sincerely,
CLT

-CLT

June 12, 2010 at 5:06 am Leave a comment

Invading the relatively peaceful waters of Hidden Leaves’ weekly Ear Candy feature is stroyfinance, who pipes in with knowing when to hold them, etc. for no apparent reason:

stroyfinance.ru/
stroyfinance@web.de
193.200.84.932010/06/09 at 8:29 am

Sorry to hear about your frustrations with poker, but i guess thats the nature of the game. Doing everything right, and still losing is extremely difficult to overcome, but maybe taking a break and spending time away from tournament poker will allow you to be refreshed and rejuvenated, and remember why you love tournament poker so much. Best of luck.

Damn straight, stroyfinance! I’ve been so frustrated with poker that I haven’t played for money in at least a decade. I’ve never played in tournament, that I know of. Maybe that’s why I’m so tired in the morning. . .

[Additional commentary from Ulysses himself.]

-HL

June 10, 2010 at 6:55 pm Leave a comment

The World of Knowledge, brought to you by PfizerClassicViagra

It’s not often that spam can educate as well as annoy. But PfizerClassicViagra is boldy doing both, utilizing some encylopedic scrapings to fly past your spam filters. Check it out. You might learn something.

[For a general idea of what this looks like, peep the screenshot.]

(c) rule Beart personal. All rights reserved.

We see here the vision, the allegory, the instruction with a moral object, three elements which we shall find again in the Divine Comedy. William Bensing Webb, John Wooldridge (1892). On the world stage, Carter brokered the Camp David Accords between Israel and Egypt. Senators and others as members of the U.In 1817, Aury returned from an unsuccessful raid against Spain to find Galveston occupied by the pirate Jean Lafitte. In March 1979 Israel and Egypt signed the Israel-Egypt Peace Treaty. They have won the European Championship twice in 1987 and 2005, [79] and have reached the final four in three of

the last four FIBA World

Championships, taking the second place in 2006. Failure to release the ball before the feet return to the ground is considered a traveling violation.The club recently was bought out by new chairman Peter Swann, who owns the majority of the shares in the club after buying out long serving chairman Patrick Lobley. Around 325,000 people were employed in financial services in London until mid-2007. The last census was taken in 2001.March 10 – Ray Milland, British actor. Many of the novels written by Jodi Picoult take place in New Hampshire. In February, Prime Minister Brian Mulroney announced his retirement from politics.Wallace, Bruce (September 21, 1998). The broader language has allowed more properties and parklands to enjoy status as protected areas under this legislation, a policy laid out early in its history. The Moviegoing Experience, 1968-2001. In the second Medicean manuscript. Each station was designed by different architects with individual themes and features original artwork, and the trains themselves run on rubber tires, making the system quieter than most. The therapsids went through a series of stages, beginning with animals which were very like their pelycosaur ancestors and ending with the Triassic cynodonts, some of which could easily be mistaken for mammals. Martin Luther had condemned his writing in strong terms. The Indian Removal Act also directly caused the ceding of Spanish Florida and led to the many Seminole Wars. Eupithecia pretansata Grossbeck, 1908.Crime in the United States 2007.Million people were incarcerated, more than one in every 100 adults. Declaration II – On the Use of Projectiles the Object of Which is the Diffusion of Asphyxiating or Deleterious Gases. Moreover, some conscious changes were made to restore Latin orthography. Pie chart showing the relative numbers of native English speakers in the major English-speaking countries of the world.Personal union with the Duchy of Burgundy from 1361, when John II of France succeeded to the Duchy, until 1363, when he passed it to his son Philip the Bold. The Dust Bowl of the mid-1930s impoverished many farming communities and spurred a new wave of western migration. Other firms like Star, Dempster, and Aeromotor also entered the market. Any individual can prepare a National Register nomination, although historians and historic preservation consultants often are employed for this work. Single-deck InterCity carriages – used on many routes, including the Helsinki-Saint Petersburg “Sibelius” train.Since the Victorian era the Thames has been extensively embanked, and many of its London tributaries now flow underground. Martin Bucer invited Calvin to Strasbourg after he was expelled from Geneva. Statistics Canada, 2006 Census of Population. The Greater London Authority is based in City Hall, Southwark.

-CLT

May 28, 2010 at 11:07 pm Leave a comment

Acai Side Effects Presents: WordPress Poetry Slam

The triumphant return of the Acai Berry Poetry Troupe!

The following was sent in by Ulysses of Hidden Leaves whose remarkable prose and keen insight has occasionally moved even the steeliest of spammers to wax poetically (and incomprehensibly):

side effects acai writes:

Currently Thing,in path terms weather comparison emphasis break purpose observation activity season vital reader problem studio explore mind obvious error west derive responsibility gentleman circle recently leaf ask most pound bus reaction next green presence really channel telephone engineering exchange current on life campaign impose ear escape woman currently after another long previous assembly patient handle hair member play truth instruction parliament client order wide direct form crisis capacity wing picture once former towards show background admit window expert might damage expenditure meaning one ship hotel vote

Excellent. That’ll show the soulless bourgeoisie that the real “crisis capacity” belongs to the “hair members” and not the “window experts.” In particular, “impose ear escape woman” recalls the finest moments of Terrence Trent Darby and some of the more “bohemian” essays of Edie Brickell (without her New Bohemians).

Thanks for the submission, Ulysses.

-CLT

May 25, 2010 at 9:52 pm 2 comments

May God Bless You Impatiently

From: Miss Tessy

Hello.

I am very happy to meet you, compliments of the day!

My name is Miss Tessy, I’m looking for a person of trust and confidence, and I know this email will find you in good health and also surprise but God has his own way of bringing people together.I was moved to write to you and also seek his advice that I know it helps me overcome my present situation, I’m currently single and looking for a reliable and God fearing person. My dear, In your free time, which can please write me back so I can explain more about me, my data, my photos and my purpose of writing to you. Please do not overlook a humble heart and solitary quest for love. A good friendship is the foundation to build on other things in the future. May God bless you impatiently waiting for me to read you.

Tessy

From: CLT

Miss Tessy!

I’m so glad this email came my way! Its rays of somewhat incoherent sunshine were just what I needed on a day like today! Did you ever notice how slow time goes when you’ve run out of Internet to read and there’s still 4 hours left on your shift? Ghastly!

Thank you for inquiring about my health. It is in good shape and I still have the “Polyp Free Since ’73” sticker from my proctologist’s office to prove it. Hallelujah!

You and I are of a kind, Miss Tessy. I too am looking for a woman with the “fear of God” in her, preferably one that is also “clean,” “reliable” and “low-milage.” And I’m sure you will be thrilled to know that I wholeheartedly believe in the sanctity of marriage, as my current marriage of 7+ years will surely bear out. Marriage is a wonderful experience, and if my math is correct, beginning a second, concurrent marriage would make life easily twice as wonderful!

We could give both marriages a shot for a couple of years before deciding which betrothal seems more “sanctified” or “less litigious.” I’m sure with the proper outlook we could persuade even the stiffest of upper lips to concede that a slew of wonderful marriages is the only way to go!

Here’s a little info on me:

Male
Medium Height
Medium Build
No distinguishing features or tattoos

I’m still in the same shape that I was in high school, where my general nondescriptness contributed greatly to my being voted “Most Likely” for two years running!

But enough small talk. I can’t wait to set this in motion and get to know the real you! As the notorious poet “Biggie” (Hey, that’s MY high school nickname! LOL!) Smalls once opined: “Honeys want to chat/But all we want to know is where the party at.”

Asthmatically awaiting your response,
CLT

Well. I’ll just grab my inhaler and sit a spell.

-CLT

May 22, 2010 at 11:26 pm Leave a comment

That’s a Hell of a Lot of Windmills…

CERTIFIED WINNER

$2,000,000.00 has been award to you in the 2010 Royal Dutch Grant Award, File your claim by sending your:

Name:……..
Tel…….
Country……
Occupation……. &
Sex………….. to: shellonline2010@yahoo.ie

Regards;
Mrs. Monica D.

Enticing. And obviously harmless. Let’s contact Mrs. Monica D. Shellonline 2010, shall we?

Mrs. Monica D.,

This is great news! Some of my favorite people have been Dutch! Rembrandt… the little painter kid… um… so many others…

Well, I can’t wait to get my dike-plugging fingers on that award money!

Here’s my info:
Name: Capitalist Lion Tamer
Tel….: KL5-0080-0011-1-4 (wait 4 seconds, then) 222-3131 (when timed right, it plays a bit from “You Should Be Dancing” by the Bee Gees)
Country: Patagonia
Occupation: Malingerer First Class, Royal Submariners Union
Sex: Never on a first email!

Thanks in advance for all the kroners or whatever the hell it is you Dutch use for money! Here’s hoping for a favorable exchange rate!

Sincerely,
CLT

No response yet but I have most of my limbs crossed!

Here’s the irritating part: I didn’t ask to talk to them, but they made themselves omnipresent. And now that they have my interest, they just wander off, never to be heard from again. I don’t mind being scammed. I just hate being ignored.

-CLT

May 16, 2010 at 9:38 pm Leave a comment

Because Every Time I Buy You a “Large,” You Just End Up Throwing Half of It Away…

From: tonocis2000 <bwogg@eunet.yu>
Date: Tue, May 11, 2010 at 2:06 PM
Subject: New formula, better results, test drive it

One day l sat and wondered what the heck l was glven thls llttle one for. l truly wlshed lt was larger and then l trled out these and all l can say ls go for lt man. lts compllmentary whlch ls wlcked.
 
Claim Yours

I don’t know, tonocis. Maybe God just hates you.

-CLT

May 13, 2010 at 8:43 pm Leave a comment

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